Will it be? Could it be..or will it jus be...

 Nowadays im not being myself anymore..sometimes i laugh to myself..smile to myself.....n cry becoz of stupid things..my feelings are totally messed up...should i be happy becoz finally i found some1 whom ive been looking for.. or cry...when it can onli be a dream??y..what i should do to make u realize that i could give up everything for u..jus to c u smile..to be happy with me..even jus for a minute..im scad that i will loose u..im scad that when im in relationship again, when things go wrong...i will loose u 4ever.. i could jus be frend 4ver..but the feelings are too strong that i wanted u all for me ,only for me..onli me.. hw selfish i could be.. 

 Im scad will i ever get a second chance when things gone wrong??..coz im not perfect..im scad although i tried my very best jus to make u consider things again, u wont turn back, and v will end up as totally strangers..no i couldnt bare those feeling..i jus cant..i want u to be with me forever..i hate this feelings..y cant it be simple, so simple where v could jus b friends.. like others..u no hw bad i need you? its like Dory nid Marlin in Finding Nemo..coz when im with u..i feel like im home..

 onli i how hurt it can be..to have those feelings so bad but at the same time loosing it in jus a split seconds n i could not face it again..no..but when he is with me, i dont mind being realy suck in relationship with others coz i knew i still have some1 that i could cry on the whole day..even for whole week...n some1 who will never give up on me to cheer me up, to make me smile again..so i could be myself again..but if he is the one ive lost..no one will be there for me as he does..i could not find anyone like him..no one could replace him..

 im so ashamed when i think back how selfish i could b..coz if i love some1..i would sacrifice my happiness jus to c him happy, shouldnt i? i jus duno why..i realy wanted him..but at the same time im scad that when i have him.. ill loose him, all because of me..i will not blame anyone but me..stupid for loosing such a priceless diamond...coz i realy suck at it..oh god please help me...

 i was so happy when i realize that i do a have a chance...but will it become true? will it become a reality.. im realy hoping for it..when it happens..i will be the luckiest and the happiest girl in the whole world..^^