Will it be? Could it be..or will it jus be...

 Nowadays im not being myself anymore..sometimes i laugh to myself..smile to myself.....n cry becoz of stupid things..my feelings are totally messed up...should i be happy becoz finally i found some1 whom ive been looking for.. or cry...when it can onli be a dream??y..what i should do to make u realize that i could give up everything for u..jus to c u smile..to be happy with me..even jus for a minute..im scad that i will loose u..im scad that when im in relationship again, when things go wrong...i will loose u 4ever.. i could jus be frend 4ver..but the feelings are too strong that i wanted u all for me ,only for me..onli me.. hw selfish i could be.. 

 Im scad will i ever get a second chance when things gone wrong??..coz im not perfect..im scad although i tried my very best jus to make u consider things again, u wont turn back, and v will end up as totally strangers..no i couldnt bare those feeling..i jus cant..i want u to be with me forever..i hate this feelings..y cant it be simple, so simple where v could jus b friends.. like others..u no hw bad i need you? its like Dory nid Marlin in Finding Nemo..coz when im with u..i feel like im home..

 onli i how hurt it can be..to have those feelings so bad but at the same time loosing it in jus a split seconds n i could not face it again..no..but when he is with me, i dont mind being realy suck in relationship with others coz i knew i still have some1 that i could cry on the whole day..even for whole week...n some1 who will never give up on me to cheer me up, to make me smile again..so i could be myself again..but if he is the one ive lost..no one will be there for me as he does..i could not find anyone like him..no one could replace him..

 im so ashamed when i think back how selfish i could b..coz if i love some1..i would sacrifice my happiness jus to c him happy, shouldnt i? i jus duno why..i realy wanted him..but at the same time im scad that when i have him.. ill loose him, all because of me..i will not blame anyone but me..stupid for loosing such a priceless diamond...coz i realy suck at it..oh god please help me...

 i was so happy when i realize that i do a have a chance...but will it become true? will it become a reality.. im realy hoping for it..when it happens..i will be the luckiest and the happiest girl in the whole world..^^           

when i get bored..

illl biteeeeee....haha nola..aiz today is wesak day.n im extremely missing my home..couldnt go da popular temple back at my hometown..my sis jus text me yesterday that she jus came bc home frm da temple...arrrgghh... and im here sitting in front of my lappy..duno wat s*** i was doin.....man im realy having home sick now...

and even if its holiday...its jus like any other ordinary day for me...so bored..... like my work yesterday..makes me think wat would i would done if im at home nw............

so im goin to do all da silly things today..i wana watch spongebob squarepants and south park series till i vomit..
who say watching does not bring any benefits..huhu each of them have their own famous quotes u no..haha

awwww...arent they are cute..ehem n their quotes are so meaningful..kaka..so hopefully ill survive today by watching all those series..if im not blogging for few days..mean im in icu..haha choi choi..nola means i finally got things to do..

doom of boredom..

well...cant believe i survived today..omg..im having THAASOPHOBIA..in other word, fear of boredom..omg.. neva in my life i could imagine ending up in this kinda situation..neva see that coming..who thought of it btw.. hmm i spent my time looking at the time..the wall the people..lol..like somekinda beggar..onli thingy i was begging for work..aiz..


  if i knew my supervisor will be holiday today..well of course im in too...coz i had a bad stomachache yesterday..huhu..its like needles poking my whole abdomen..omg..n that point of time..i realy missed my mum.. i was thinking wat she would do is she was around..im already 22 plus now..but still i realy do her to take of me.. huhu...i barely could sit up straight..took like 4 tablets of gastric tablets, but..nah..it wont give a damn... finally i took 2 tablets of panadols..n then..i slept off..erm around 4am i guess..aiz if i knew..i would jus taken my mc leave at home rather of getting bored ther...

if im at home...

   And when i get bored, alot things would run trough my head..some are totally nonsense..but most of it brings back all the memories..some of it i thought i get rid off...n some when im trying to..but it wont jus work out anyway..c omg..all of a sudden im emo again..arggghh.here v go..

        

time realy makes me think..when im alone i wonder why

 Although i knew this wont bring me any far..but i duno..myb i jus haven get the wake up call yet.. something that will make me realize that nothing gona happen..n never will b..not all fairy tales have a happy ending, do they... i guess mine too..at least i tried..all was left for me to is wait..or wait till i realize the tru reality.. enuf for me to let it all go..im so sory my dear heart, i have done so much damage to u..u dont deserve it.. u deserve to be happy..ill promise u..u wont b suffering anymore..myb the best way to not have a BROKEN HEART, its to pretend u dont have one...

sometimes im scad..am i realy not important..am i easily forgotten? isit thats y i have to remind that i actually do exists..have u forgotten ? wat i can do to make u think about me...alwiz.. myb it will never be..  myb im jus another normal person..not special..myb thats y im easily ignored and forgotten...

omg..am i having this ???

wat if....  

or mayb its jus

Dear sun seriously u gotta chill abit..

   Oh my God..whats with the weather nowadays..yesterday i dreamt i was eating steamboat at a desert... wat the hell..n i remember waking up with my body soaking wet..well not to that extend, but..i was sweating..my hair was wet...lol..oh god...is the world realy gona end soon???? with this kinda temperature rising each and everyday...disasters will happen frequently..like the tsunami happened in Japan..this is all due to the weather changes..i jus wonder when we all could learn a lesson because of this..cant u all get it???? the mother earth is giving u back for what u have done to her...so please..i beg all the people..those who are reading my blog...or mayb jus making a sneak peak..please save our earth...im very sure u guys are well educated..so it no point of me to start frm the very begining..let us make the change..for the sake of our future generation..*haha ini boleh masuk politik ni...lol

 and now..im at my cabin doin my assignments..barely sit still cause of the heat around me..my eyes were burning...n obviously im getting sun burn each n everyday...aiz..hopefully it wont come to the extand wer my clothes could get burnt when i walk under the extreme heat frm the sun in future..omg..lol

damn..i realy feel like eating ice cream now..omg..

do u no that the Mc donald's Sundae ice cream is from snow man's poop?? nah jus kidding

omg..my old time favorite when i was smaller..hehe mean younger..da 20 cent pop ice..i missed it so much..espeacially now..arrggghhhh...

on this Mother's Day

well..again..i couldnt be with my mum on this very special day..its been a long time since the last time i celebrated with her...i felt so terrible as a child..felt like im not responsible at all..but all i no is my love love for her will never change..although being very far frm home..il alwiz felt her love and warmness that made me feel secure all the time..thanks mom for ur love.. anywer and no matter wat i do, i no she will alwiz ther for me..tru thick n thin..
  im thankful to God..as he created the most beautiful women in my life..i dun no if i could be like her in future..but i do hope..at least 50% are ther..thats more than i could do..thanks mum.. i love u
 biografi of my mum..hehe lol

Name: Thanaletchumi a/p V.Veloo
Age: she born on 26 may 1959..then should b 52 this year huhu

  the things i love about her: she is obviously a good cook of the house..my dad cooks too but she is good in her way..hehe..she is reali a hardworkin person..i never heard her complainin about her work at all..she jus aims to work for the family..my dad alwiz annoys her..haha its a normal thing..but i no she wont keep it in her heart.. if not y she could be with him all the while til now.. she had been tru all those obstacle.. some of it come to a point where she could jus leave us n went off..if she do..myb she would had a better life..but u decided to stay mother..i realy grateful of that..thanks mum..

 she is a patience women..my sis n me alwiz do 'hal' at home..somtimes alwiz  uno..'lawan cakap' haha..in other word wont obey her like that..she will get mad at 1st..but cools down fast like nothing happen..haha thats her alright..myb thats y we take advantage of her...sory mummy..thinking of this special..ive thougt of a song..a beautiful song jus for all mamas out ther..its from Boyz 11 Men..my old time favorite ~ A Song for Mama..love those lyrics alot

You taught me everything

Everything you've given me

I'll always keep it inside

You're the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn't anything

Or anyone that I could be

And it just wouldn't feel right

If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me

When skies were gray

Whenever I was down

You were always there to comfort me

And no one else can be

What you have been to me you will always be

You will always be the girl

In my life for all times

Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Yes it is, yes it is, oh, yes it is, yes it is, yes it is oh

You're always there for me

Have always been around for me even when I was bad

You showed me right from my wrong

Yes you did

And you took up for me

When everyone was downin' me

You always did understand

You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times

Looking back when I was so afraid

And then you come to me and say to me

I can face anything

And no one else can do

What you have done for me

You'll always be, you will always be

The girl in my life, ooh oh

Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Never gonna go a day without you

Fills me up just thinkin' about you

I'll never go a day

Without my mama

Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Lovin' you is like food to my soul, oh yeah

You are the food to my soul, yes you are

i love u mama..n alwiz will..God bless u n ur generous heart..^^

untitled

  huh..as wat i hoped for..i wish i will be soon be granted..finally i met the boss n talked to him about what i needed..n its embarrassing when he asked about what ive learned so far..i could ans most of it..but when it comes to the the general knowledge on their operation and stuff..damn i gt blur..obviously i din c that coming..haha luckily he is generous enough to let me go..wit the book to study..guess i realy have to get myself used to and realy be perfect on their operations n stuff..fuh..n one more thing..yeay today is friday..wow so fast...jus felt like yesterday..time realy waits for no one..but jus sometimes i feel time goes slowy when i got nothing to do..

i want it my way..

  having some confusion and some complication in my mind n my heart..its kinda hard to tell wat im goin tru ryte now..jus praying everything goes well in the next day..please do not leave me stranded here..i din come long way down here jus to hear this kinda news..i dont mind doin all the hard work..jus dont say ..ah u done..i guess thats the onli thing u could learn here..wat the f***kin hell..

    jus feel like talking to some1..aiz..its ok swan u can makid tru..trust in ourself..u r on ur own now..its either u go ahead n show them..or come bc home n cry.. so im gona..

first day of my practical

  well the title itself explains everything..first day..the nervous feeling..so many question ran through my head.. heart beat rising..lol almost hard to be myself for the first time..as told by my fren the day before, which is to relax n be calm.. i obviously din listen to her.. like preparing myself for the battle field of the century..

  luckily for me..the place im working is jus a walking distance for me..so i could jus wake up at 7am n still can makid on time of my work. the place im working is a hospital, the name: Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah.. ya mus be wondering y am i ther? i am trained under the clinical waste management department, under Radicare Sdn. Bhd...

  din expect that on my first day itself i was assigned to do something hard..after briefing i was brought to the clinical collection n cleaning department. The fun part was my supervisor called all the staff around the department n introduce me to them..wa felt like a vip..huhu..but the not-so fun part is when all the staff started to cal me..'Puan'..lol do i look that old??...but what the hell...i kinda get used to it..

  wat was i been doin on the first day? this time i was assigned to folo one of the worker to learn about their work routine..whic oso means that i had to be one of the to experience it..haha ok..i ok with it..she is a nice women..fogoten her name btw..i followed her wad to wad..ehem collecting clinical waste@ garbage..lol everywer i went people kept asking weather im the new worker..kaka looks like im one of the collecter there.. i learned how to use the big garbage bin..u no the big ones with wheels.. damn it was heavy..
but i had fun..learned to work hard..i was like exhausted at the end of the day but the woman who being my trainer..fuh..like it was nothing to her..wasnt tired at all..haha solute her man..

  wait wait all the hard part has its fun part too..i get to c so many gud looking man doctors around haha.. obivously they wont even bother me cause i looked like one of the 'garbage' collector, but who cares.. huhu its for me to 'cuci mata'..hehe..n..n..i thought i was alone for the whole training thingy..until i saw my frens frm the biomedik course appear at the main office..wa..guess im never left alone..hehe

  so im back home now..hopefully tomolo will be fun as today..is not that im not happy with wat im doin, its quite challenging for me..hopefully i have enough courage to help me hold on till the end of my training..

the dustbins that each and every part of ward has

the plastic bags that need to use for the waste

the place where the cleaning of the dustbins take place

nah..the big dustbins with wheels i was talking about..jus handling one of them get me exhausted..lol

the place wher all the collection bins are gathered

huhu..

  today, i jus reach klang..the place im gona do my practicals..wat a long damn exhausting journey..the whole journey was full of traffic jams..v depart from our hous..(i mean me n my cousin sis) arnd 1pm..we were supposed to reach arnd uno..lik 4 to 5pm..but unluckily it delayed till 9pm coz of the traffic jam..my butt was killing me.. n the  weather did not help either..its rains non-stop,n i barely c the road v were takin..but thank god..luckily, v reached home..safe n sound..(* cant help myself frm complainin) hehe

 so guess..this is it..im all alone now..have to be the lone ranger..dont know wat awits me the next day... im so not ready but i cant wait for it...hope everything goes well...hope my first day of my practicals goes well.. not as planned..but uno..something that will make me wana continue for the next day onwards..praying for it.. wish me luck guys!!^^